Wedding Guest List: Who To Invite And Who To Cut

Aside from financial stress, perhaps the biggest wedding-related cause of anxiety is planning the wedding guest list.

There are the obvious guests to invite to your wedding like your parents, grandparents, and siblings. But where do you draw the line on which friends get an invite and which ones don’t? And who do you cut from your wedding guest list first when a 100 person maximum list turns into 250?

Don’t worry because I’m going to tell you exactly how to handle the decision of who to invite to your wedding.

More importantly, I’m going to tell you exactly who not to invite. Because that’s the key, isn’t it? Most of us don’t want or need a huge blowout ceremony with 300 people (unless you’re hella rich and can afford that). Typically the average wedding guest list has approximately 130-140 people.

In 2017, over 50% of weddings had between 50-150 guests.

Our guest list is approximately 50 households (including partners and children, roughly 100 total head count). With that said, had we invited all of our relatives, friends, and co-workers, our list easily would have reached 300+. So I’m going to tell you how we managed to reduce the number on our guest list – which also will end up reducing the total cost of our wedding.

The best thing to do is to make a full list of everyone you think you might invite.

Start with family. List out your immediate family (parents, siblings) and expand to aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents, etc. Next move on to friends. Think about who you spend time with or who you talk to frequently. Then add any present or previous co-workers and bosses who you have a good relationship with. Finally, include family friends or other people you interact with and enjoy spending time with.

Got your giant wedding guest list ready? Awesome.

Before you cut anyone off the list, decide how many guests you can afford or handle. As an introvert, spending too much time around a ton of people is extremely draining for me. I had to take that into consideration along with our wedding budget. We chose to try to reduce our list as much as possible.

Now that you have your ideal number of guests, count how many people are on your giant wedding guest list. This will help you visualize how many people need to be removed in order to fit your goal.

Highlight all the guests that are mandatory invitees.

This includes anyone in the wedding party, parents, siblings, etc. If you know without a doubt that your day will not be the same without them, highlight them. This is your immunity list. Figure out how many spots you have left for other guests, and then cut people from the list in the following order.

First, cut out any co-workers who you aren’t exceptionally close with, excluding your boss.

I would leave your boss for the later rounds of cuts, especially if you work in a professional field. It is customary to include them out of professional regard. However, if you feel uncomfortable about inviting them or have any reservations, go ahead and remove them. Personally, as this is my second wedding, I chose to not invite any co-workers or bosses for the sake of finances.

Next, you want to cut out any fair weather friends.

If they didn’t invite you to their wedding, they won’t be expecting an invitation to yours. Cut any friends who you haven’t spent time with in years or who you never talk to anymore. Plainly put, if it won’t make a difference whether they show up or not, leave them off the list.

Speaking of people you haven’t spoken to in years, go ahead and remove any relatives you haven’t seen since you were younger.

If you only see them once in a blue moon and their typical visit isn’t so they can see you specifically, they don’t need an invitation. Or if they’re an extended family member – your great uncle who you’ve only met once and don’t really know – cut them from the guest list.

And make sure you remove anyone toxic.

By that I mean don’t invite the alcoholic uncle who is bound to make an ass of himself. Get rid of the “friend” who will probably show up mid-ceremony and interrupt your walk down the aisle. Forget about your second cousin who always has to be in the spotlight.

Now take a look at your list.

Did you make it to your magic number? If not, go back and keep removing people as you see fit. Consider whether or not you will feel sad if certain people aren’t there. If you feel indifferent, cut them from the list. It truly is that simple! And remember, even if you piss people off, so what?

This day is about you – anyone who can’t respect that should not be invited in the first place.

Once you get to the right number of guests to invite to your wedding, skim it over and see how you feel. Hopefully you feel satisfied – I know it was a huge relief for me to see a short list of only immediate family and close friends.

The people who should almost always be on your invite list:

• Immediate family, as long as they are not the toxic relatives mentioned above
• Extended family that you are close to and have a strong relationship with
• Best friends who make your day feel complete
• Your boss, if there is room, as a professional courtesy

One final thing to remember when planning who to invite to your wedding and figuring out a total head count –

Make sure to account for any service providers who will be attending your ceremony.

This includes your photographer(s), officiant, DJ, wedding planner, caterers, etc. Anyone who is not a traditional guest but is going to be there should be considered a guest. After all, they may be working, but they will need to eat too!

Who did you decide to cut from your wedding guest list? Tell me in the comments!