Eight Years And Four Schools – Now Grad School?

Am I totally insane for wanting to go to grad school for creative writing?

It took me nearly a decade just to finish undergrad. Not to mention the fact that the first four years I jumped between four different schools and countless majors. I mean, am I even grad school material?

Surviving undergrad as an English major was not easy.

It’s funny, I’ve spent my entire life in love with words and have always dreamed about becoming a writer. But when it came to actually putting pen to paper (or fingers to keyboard), I struggled to get the words out.

Despite having so many good ideas for stories and projects, I still have trouble getting started. I’m a huge procrastinator as a writer — I will literally find anything else to do instead of work on an assignment. And it isn’t because I don’t love to write.

I think I procrastinate so much on writing because I am terrified of failure.

What if my “great idea” turns out to be complete garbage when I finally finish my draft? I’m afraid of creating something that doesn’t do justice to the original concept. That anxiety hovered over me throughout all of my years in undergrad.

I can’t even count the number of times I started a writing assignment the night before it was due. My fear of being seen as not good enough as a writer was crippling.

Listening to people tell you how great you are at something for basically your entire middle/high school career can really fuck with your head when you get to college and realize how many people are so much better than you will ever be.

You don’t have to say it — I know that comparing myself to others is literally the dumbest shit ever.

Obviously no two writers are the same. We all bring our own experiences to the table, and it’s ridiculous to try to compare our traumas. (Yeah, let’s face it — all writers have been traumatized in some way, otherwise we wouldn’t be writers, am I right?)

But if getting through my creative writing classes in undergrad almost broke me, do I really expect grad school to be any different?

Initially, I considered grad school because part of me was looking for an excuse to spend time away from my (now ex) boyfriend. But the closer I got to finishing undergrad, the more serious I became about the idea of grad school.

Most people with a degree in English aren’t taken seriously at all. But when you have your Master’s, it opens up a lot more opportunities career-wise. People begin to view you differently, and you get a little more (not much, but a little) respect.

More importantly, though, I feel like going would push me more as a writer.

I’m nowhere near reaching my potential. I know that. But I also know that a more structured environment and more accountability gets me closer to being the writer I want to be.

So, what do you think? Grad school or nah?

I’m applying for admission to Miami University in 2021. They have a low residency program, which is a big reason I want to pursue my degree there. It will make it much easier without having to travel nearly as much as I would if I went to a school in-state.

Plus, I feel a strong connection with Miami — my sorority was founded there. That plus the fact that they have a really great program that fits my needs can’t be a total coincidence, right?

Whether I get accepted or rejected, I’ll take it as my sign from the universe telling me which path is the right one for me.