4 Lies Your Social Anxiety Makes You Believe

Lie #1: Your anxiety defines you.

Truth: Social anxiety is something you suffer from, yes. But it is not who you are.

Your social anxiety may influence the decisions you make – going out to that big party is probably not going to happen – but you are a person first and foremost, not a condition. While it is okay to turn down an invitation or spend some time alone to recuperate from recent social activities, you shouldn’t let your fear of socialization keep you from enjoying your life.

Lie #2: Everybody hates you.

Truth: If your social anxiety is strong enough to make you believe that everyone hates you, you likely don’t spend much time around others at all.

The belief that everybody hates you stems from your fear of rejection, not because anyone has given you a real reason to think they dislike you. Coming from someone who deals with social anxiety personally, I can tell you from experience that nobody hates you. Is everyone going to love you? Probably not. But that shouldn’t stop you from putting yourself out there.

Lie #3: You will never have close friendships or relationships.

Truth: It is entirely possible to have healthy intimate friendships and relationships despite struggling with social anxiety.

While it may be more difficult, these relationships are often the most rewarding. Finding someone who understands and respects your social boundaries is tricky when you put up walls to keep others out in the first place, but not impossible. When you have a gut feeling about someone, remind yourself it’s okay to step outside of your comfort zone to set the foundation of friendship. You’ll be glad you did.

Lie #4: Overcoming your social anxiety is impossible.

Truth: While social anxiety can be tricky to manage, there are methods for coping.

Practice making eye contact with others around you when in conversation. Create daily affirmations that you tell yourself each morning before starting your day. Choose a new activity that you’ve wanted to try but haven’t due to fear – yoga, cycling, pottery classes – and just do it! These strategies will help your brain feel more connected to others and you may make new connections with others who have similar interests in your new social setting. Over time you will build more confidence in your ability to communicate in social situations, and learn how to manage your social anxiety.